Build Up Your Love Account

Build Up Your Love Account


Ahhh, February  – the month of love.  A good time to give attention to our relationships.

Like most things in life, relationships change.  As time goes by, they either grow healthier or become weaker.  Relationships need to be nurtured and attended to if they are to flourish.  Reflect back on when your relationship began and think about the attention and love that you gave so automatically.   Sadly, as time has gone by, many of us have changed the way we treat our partners.

Here are three easy steps to make some immediate improvement.  We are going to borrow the idea of the “Emotional Bank Account” from Dr. Steven Covey, world-renowned author and lecturer.

Consider a traditional bank account.  We make deposits and we make withdrawals.  Our deposits are made in the currency the bank accepts.  In America, for example, we typically make our deposits in US currency and not in Chinese Yuans or Russian Rubles.  Hopefully we make larger deposits and much smaller, and infrequent, withdrawals.  If our account has a low balance and we make a large withdrawal,  our account might get closed.

Now let’s think about Dr. Covey’s Emotional Bank Account.  Some couples have such a large emotional bank account that you can actually see it.  They hold hands wherever they go, their faces light up when the other approaches, and they always seem happy when together.  Here are a few simple steps you can take to work towards that kind of a relationship.

Step 1.  Determine the currency you need for your particular account

Use the knowledge you have of your partner to determine the currency you will use.  Think about what he/she values.  For example, if your husband enjoys car shows, go with him and listen to him as he tells you about the cars on display.   Does your wife feel overwhelmed at times?  Imagine her delight if she got in her car Monday morning and found out you had filled her gas tank.  On the other hand, using the wrong currency will not add to the balance and could even take away from it.  I remember one man who gave his wife a space heater for Christmas because she always said she was cold.  While this certainly was a practical gift, it wasn’t anything she wanted and, hence, was the wrong currency.  What a missed opportunity!

Step 2.  Begin making regular deposits to build up the balance

Couples with that special connection are those who take time daily to let their partner know they are loved.  It could be a gentle touch on the shoulder, shutting off the phone when they want to talk, or even a simple thank you to recognize the things you may have been taking for granted.  Note: the cost of this type of an investment is simply your time.  Such an easy and yet powerful way to demonstrate your love.  

Step 3.  Reduce your withdrawals

Withdrawals are times in which we hurt or disappoint our partners.  For example, forgetting an anniversary could be a withdrawal. Getting home too late to attend the children’s concert would be another withdrawal.   Naturally, withdrawals are going to happen from time to time.  However, they have much less of an impact if your balance is high because of your consistent deposits.  It is important to note that some withdrawals could bankrupt an account regardless of it’s balance.  For example, having an affair is an extremely large withdrawal that ends many relationships.  Account closed.

Let’s review.  Here are the steps you can take NOW to improve your relationship.

  1. Determine the currency you will use.  
  2. Begin making daily deposits.
  3. Cut back on your withdrawals.  

Love.  Something we all desire.  Something worth investing in.